The G20, meeting in London, England has issued a stunning announcement today that business will not continue as usual. The world leaders, often seen as obtuse and outdated, have made an unprecedented announcement that from now on things will be different.
“No longer will we exploit the poor or the environment,” explains G20 spokesperson Dr. Tumuch Mune. “No longer will we consider floods, famine, disease, war and environmental devastation as a bonus for our economies.”
The G20 leaders admitted that they have come to their senses and realized that they can no longer feel good when negative impacts on the planet cause positive financial gains.
“My kids told me I was a real jerk and my job embarrassed them,” remarked Dr. Ibrahim bin Abdulaziz Al-Assaf, the Saudi Arabian representative.
“Hold me, I feel dirty. I have so much money and yet there are so many others without clean water, food and clothing,” remarked Carlos Fernandez, Finance Minister from Argentina.
The sheepish G20 leaders, after making their announcement to the press, went outside and addressed the thousands of protesters that have traveled from around the world to protest the draconian tactics of the G20.
“Can we hug it out,” shouted Dmitry Medvedev the Russian President with tears in his eyes, showing a much softer side than Vladimir Putin ever did.
“Yes, if you are finally willing to listen to the people,” retorted one saucy protester. “Come and have a drink mate.”
“We are finally ready to listen,” said a benevolent President Obama. “This is change we can believe in.”
Major media outlets are reporting that the world leaders opened the electrified gates and barricades topped with razor wire, the riot police put their tear gas guns down and stepped aside and the protesters and world leaders participated in a great group hug.
“I forgot that I need my Momma Earth,” wept Brazilian finance minister Guido Mantega, into the arms of the head of the G-20 Meltdown organizer Marina Pepper Spry.
Remember it is April Fool's Day!
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